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  “Look out for one another’s interests, not just our own.” Philippians 2:4 (GNT)

The second principle for connecting with people is to be considerate of other people’s needs.

In other words, if you want to connect with people, you’ve got to start with their needs, not your own. That’s how you make that initial connection.  There’s an old Chinese proverb that says, “Seek to understand before seeking to be understood.”

The Bible talks about this in Philippians 2:4: “Look out for one another’s interests not just your own.” That is such a counter-cultural verse. Everything in our culture—from the moment we’re born - tends to train us to think ‘me first.’ As a result, we’re all disconnected because we’re all thinking about ourselves and not thinking about the needs of other people.

Yet, as I wrote in The Purpose Driven Life, “It’s not about you!” The world doesn’t revolve around you just as it doesn’t revolve around me. You’re very special in God’s eyes. You were created for a purpose ... but the world does not revolve around you.

Here’s another truth—If you want your needs to be met, first start focusing on meeting the needs of other people. Why? Because God wants you to learn to be unselfish. He wants you to learn to love, to be generous like Him. Colossians 3:13 says, “You must make allowances for each other’s faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember God forgave you so you must forgive others” (NLT). Part of being considerate of other people’s needs is making allowances for their faults.

Dear Abby once ran a letter from a divorced woman. She wrote, “I’m 44 years old. I’d like to find a man my age with no bad habits.” Abby wrote back, “So would I.” There simply aren’t any people with no bad habits or faults. We have to make allowance for each other’s faults.

Proverbs 17:9 says, “Love forgets mistakes.” It’s not that you are blind to someone else’s faults; rather, you choose to overlook them. Great friends are good forgetters. They forget the bad stuff intentionally. They don’t rub it in, they rub it out.

“For the Holy Spirit, God’s gift, does not want you to be afraid of people, but to be wise and strong, and to love them and enjoy being with them.” 2 Timothy 1:7 (LB)

The first principle for connecting with people is this: Be courageous and take the initiative!

Don’t wait on somebody else to connect with you. You must take the initiative to connect with them. This often takes courage. Why? Because when we’re full of fear and anxiety, we don’t get close to each other. In fact, we back off from each other. We’re afraid of being rejected, manipulated, hurt, or used.

This fear is as old as mankind. When Adam and Eve sinned and God came looking for Adam, Adam said, “I was afraid ... and I hid” (Genesis 3:10 ESV). We hide our true selves. We don’t let people know what we’re really like. Why? Because we think, “If I tell you who I am and you don’t like me, I have no alternative.” So we wear masks and we pretend.

Fear does three terrible things to relationships:

  * Our fears make us defensive. We’re afraid to reveal ourselves. When people point out weaknesses we retaliate and defend ourselves.

  * Our fears keep us distant. We don’t let people get close to us. We want to withdraw and hide our emotions. We don’t want to be open and honest.

  * Our fears make us demanding. The more insecure we are the more we try to control or dominate things. We try to have the last word in a relationship. It’s always a symptom of fear and insecurity.

Where do you get the courage for taking the first step in connecting with someone? You get it from God’s Spirit in your life: “For the Holy Spirit, God’s gift, does not want you to be afraid of people but to be wise and strong [courageous] and to love them and enjoy being with them” (2 Timothy 1:7 LB).

How do you know when you’re filled with God’s Spirit? You’re more courageous in your relationships. You love people. You enjoy being with them. You’re not afraid of them because God’s Spirit is in your life. The Bible says “God is love” (1 John 4:16 NLT) and “Love casts out all fear” (1 John 4:18 NASB). The more of God you have in your life the less fear you’ll have.

So the starting point in connecting with anybody is to pause and pray and say, “God, give me the courage to take the first step.”

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right

For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I’ll be forever thankful, baby

You’re the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You’re the one who saw me through
Through it all

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn’t speak
You were my eyes when I couldn’t see
You saw the best there was in me

Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach
You gave me faith ‘cause you believed
I’m everything I am
Because you loved me, ooh, baby

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach

You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love, I had it all
I’m grateful for each day you gave me

Maybe, I don’t know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because
I was loved by you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn’t speak
You were my eyes when I couldn’t see
You saw the best there was in me

Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach
You gave me faith ‘cause you believed
I’m everything I am
Because you loved me

You were always there for me, the tender wind that carried me
The light in the dark shining your love into my life
You’ve been my inspiration through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn’t speak
You were my eyes when I couldn’t see
You saw the best there was in me

Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach
You gave me faith ‘cause you believed
I’m everything I am
Because you loved me

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn’t speak
You were my eyes when I couldn’t see
You saw the best there was in me

Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach
You gave me faith ‘cause you believed
I’m everything I am
Because you loved me

I’m everything I am
Because you loved me

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  ... That you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Deuteronomy 30:20 (NIV)

The birth of Jesus reflects the truth that love is a choice and a commitment.  You choose to love or you choose not to love.

Today we’ve bought into this myth that love is uncontrollable, that it’s something that just happens to us; it’s not something we control. In fact, even the language we use implies the uncontrollability of love. We say, “I fell in love,” as if love is some kind of a ditch. It’s like I’m walking along one day and bam! - I fell in love. I couldn’t help myself.

But I have to tell you the truth - that’s not love. Love doesn’t just happen to you. Love is a choice and it represents a commitment.

There’s no doubt about it, attraction is uncontrollable and arousal is uncontrollable. But attraction and arousal are not love. They can lead to love, but they are not love. Love is a choice.

You must choose to love God; he won’t force you to love him (Deuteronomy 30:20). You can thumb your nose at God and go a totally different way. You can destroy your life if you choose to do that. God still won’t force you to love him. Because he knows love can’t be forced.

And this same principle is true about your relationships: you can choose to love others, but God won’t force you to love anyone.